Few mothers manage to reconcile their child's career and well-being without being overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. The guilt gives birth to frustrations, either because they are forced to give up the idea of returning to work to care for the baby, or because they have to leave the child with a nanny or a relative, in order to resume their professional activity, and he thus misses some of the most important moments of his life. Here are the main reasons why moms feel guilty and how to overcome or avoid them easier!
The career and the child, the source of feelings of guilt in the mothers?
Society, education, mentality and tradition have drawn in the modern age two clear lines of demarcation between being a career woman and being a mother. According to many, they cannot coexist at the same time and there are two roles that go together.
The feeling of motherhood is unique, very emotional and pleasant, but most of the time, it is not enough to fulfill yourself, as a woman. No matter how much you want to stay with the child, there is the possibility of having, at the same time, the desire to resume your professional activity.
On the other hand, after spending so many months in the company of your baby, it is not easy for you to leave it in the company of others for 6-8 hours a day. Only the thought that you are no longer near him, that you could miss his first words or the first steps depress you and frustrate you.
According to Cristina Calarasanu, a psychologist specialized in "Family Psychoanalytic Therapy", the two roles of a mother should not exclude each other, but that balance must be found between what she feels, wants and offers reality. "Inside every woman there is room for everyone," says the specialist.
And if you return to work and if you do not, you will still have feelings of guilt.
Guilt arises as a result of the feeling of ambivalence (ie the emergence of more desires at the same time). Does a woman who becomes a mother still have the right to want to return to her work, which she liked so much? Will he neglect his child if he returns?
Tips for overcoming guilt feelings
"Finding the balance between being a mother and a career woman does not seem easy and it cannot be. It means understanding what you feel in relation to each of these roles, how close you are and where you feel a difficulty, a Conflict. Choosing is difficult. You always try to choose a role, one that is a priority. Turning it into a priority becomes a role laden with tension, pressure, and others do not find their place, "explains the psychologist.
First of all, you have to be aware that these feelings are natural and that the resumption of professional activity is just one of the many triggers.
You're not the only mom trying to harmonize her career with her mother's job in her life. Find and share your experiences with people who are going through the same experience as you. On the one hand, you will download and you will feel much better, and on the other, you will have a good advice, an idea, which could help you to overcome this period that emotionally overwhelms you.
Keep in mind that not the amount of time spent with the child is the most important, but the quality. So, it is not necessary to stay with the child ten hours a day, to feel that you love him and that you are there for whatever he needs. Some quality hours spent in the company of the child are much more valuable. In the few hours you spend with him, communicate as much as possible, play, read books together and make sure he can look for you in relation to absolutely any problem he has or if he needs advice.
Think about it and weigh the advantages and disadvantages of each option (to stay at home, with the child and to return to work) and see who weighs more. It is important to make choices that make you happy, that fulfill you, because the specialists have shown that happy moms have happy children. If returning to work makes you feel good and you have a feeling of joy and satisfaction, surely your child will feel the same.
Were your feelings of guilt overridden when you chose to return to work? Tell us your story in the comment section below!
Tags Guilt feelings for mothers Mothers raising a child Care for a child Returning after birth