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Stubborn child

Stubborn child

Question:

- I have 2 children: a girl of 10 years and a boy of 3 and a half years. The girl is very quiet, but the boy is very impulsive and very stubborn. I tried several ways to change his behavior but without success. I tried to explain to him that it is not good to be stubborn, I also tried with small punishments, with small rewards for good deeds etc. I don't know what to try. It bothers me very much that this stubbornness also affects the nutrition of the child. He eats only what he wants and when he wants. Tell me where I am wrong in his education, because the girl has a completely opposite behavior (model child in all).

Answer:

I cannot tell you that you were wrong with something in the education of the little one and in any case, guilt in this case will not help. At the same time, even if the education offered to your little girl has proved successful, and as you say is a model child in all, it is very possible that what worked in her case may not work in the little one. Why do I say this? Because despite the fact that they are brothers and come from the same family environment, there are interindividual differences since birth.

I cannot tell you that you were wrong with something in the education of the little one and in any case, guilt in this case will not help. At the same time, even if the education offered to your little girl has proved successful, and as you say is a model child in all, it is very possible that what worked in her case may not work in the little one. Why do I say this? Because despite the fact that they are brothers and come from the same family environment, there are interindividual differences since birth.
Thus, in educating and modeling the behavior of your boy you have to take into account what is characteristic to him. In order to intervene to change the behavior of the little one you must always refer to the specific behavioral problems.

You say that he is very impulsive and stubborn, but do not specify exactly in what situations this stubbornness manifests.
Depending on the situation, what is happening concretely or what is not happening you can get an idea of ​​how you should act. The method of rewards and punishments in children in general, however, only works if you really apply what you promised. That is, the appropriate reward will be given to the child if the required task is carried out to the end, but otherwise, despite the insistence and promises of the little one, it will not be granted.
It is important that the reward be a thing, a much desired activity of the child, thus becoming a powerful motivating factor in the fulfillment of the task. Praise and constant encouragement of the child in its successes is also absolutely necessary. A much too tolerant attitude towards the child is not helpful anywhere, so try to set some very clear rules about what you want to change in your boy's behavior.
Along with rewards and punishments you can also help with the "power of example" and the game, playing in childhood is an efficient way of learning. Your patience and calmness are essential in this process, as the expected change may take some time.
Much success!
Clara Monica Christmas,
psychologist
- Psychosolutions Clinic.
www.psihosolutions.ro