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How can we tell the truth of the child?

How can we tell the truth of the child?


Many times you have wondered how to tell the child, whether to say it or not, whether now or later. It is either about the "bad news" (death of a family member, divorce, finding a serious illness, etc.) or about "delicate" topics (how children are made, Santa exists etc.)
In fact, the difficulty lies with the adult. He "cannot" talk about these topics, finding pretexts such as "He is too small to understand", "He will suffer too much", "There is no point in telling him because he can do nothing anyway".
Only, most of the time, the child "knows", feels more than we think. Thus attempts to hide his truth or distort it often fail. The sadness, the anger, the tears, the embarrassment of those around them can hardly be hidden.
And yet ... if we decided to tell her ... how do we do it? in what words? how will the child react?
Of course, the answer to these questions depends a lot on the age of the child and on the type of situation. But the most important thing is to tell him as quickly as possible and in the simplest way. Then there is the reaction of the child which may be different than you expected but it would be good to allow them to manifest it. Even if it surprises or pains you, allow them to express what they feel, ask questions, cry or show themselves regardless, not believe or want to see "with his eyes".
Of course you wonder where the limit of this "telling the truth" is. To find out, it is important to consider the level of intellectual and emotional development of the child. After his first reactions and questions, depending on what you feel when you talk to him, you will realize how much he can understand and what he needs at that moment: a confirmation of what he already suspected, a hug or ... o encouragement!
You may be wondering "Why do we tell him when we can't do it?"

  • Because anyway we will tell her at some point;
  • Because the postponement does not bring an improvement in the situation but the loss of confidence and even greater difficulties;
  • Because a child has the right to know the truth
  • because you will be able to "fight" better knowing what happens than if we tried to forcefully and inauthenticly "protect" it.
    Psychologist Anca Munteanu
    Center for Action Psychology and Psychotherapy (CPAP)
    Str. Cpt. Pavel Zaganescu, no. 5, sc. 1, et. 2, sec. 6, Bucharest (Regie area)
    Mail: [email protected]