When you want to do two things at once - such as cooking and deciphering some office documents, you can easily lose your patience if your little one asks you for something in five minutes or addresses you all the way. of innocent questions, about the culinary preferences of the squirrels, the color of the clouds or the shape of the flowers. Words like "enough", "get out of the room" or "don't bother me anymore" pop out of your mouth before you start censoring yourself. On the nerves, you can get to tell the child things that hurt him, anger him or cause him great confusion.
Here are some things you should NEVER tell your child!
"Leave me alone!"
A parent who never gives up nervously is either a saint or a martyr, or someone who is so energetically exhausted that he has forgotten what it is like to be charged. But if you get used to the child with imperatives like "Don't bother me, I'm busy!", He will get to internalize the message. In other words, the more you tell the little one not to bother you because you are busy, he will come to the conclusion that there is no point in talking to you, because every time he will hit a wall. Such a pattern, set in childhood, can cause them to stop telling you different things, as they grow older.
Children must see from an early age that you make time for them. There are different valves you can use to relieve pressure. You can ask your husband, a friend or a relative to take care of the children while you make food or work from home. Or you can give them something to do, like coloring a cartoon or watching an animated movie while you're working on an important project.
Set some parameters in time to prevent a nervous breakdown when you are stressed or busy with various tasks. For example, you can tell your child in a calm and warm tone that you have something to do and that you need him to quietly paint for 10-15 minutes, after which you will go out together. Also be realistic and don't leave it alone for an hour. Children under the age of 6 cannot enjoy themselves for a long period of time.
"You are so… "
Word tags are shortcuts that produce short-term changes in children. Try not to reproach him for being bad with another child or to talk to him in the back, risking to hear you. Young children believe everything they hear, without discussion, even when it comes to themselves.
Negative labels risk becoming what specialists call "self-prophecies". A child who is reproached for being evil can understand that evil is his nature and will lose his trust in him. Even labels that seem neutral or positive at first glance, such as "shy" or "smart" can leave you feeling like you have unnecessary or inadequate expectations on his part. But the harshest criticisms cut into living flesh. Many adults still keep in mind the times when their own parents reprimanded them for being lazy, stupid or hopeless. The best approach is to correct the wrong behavior of the child without using adjectives. For example, you can tell your little boy that his friend felt bad when he told the other kids not to play with him anymore. At the same time, you can ask him how he thinks he could make his play buddy feel better.
"Come on, stop crying so much!"
Young children tend to get upset quickly and start crying, and this is because many of them cannot express their feelings clearly in words. And then they become sad or scared. If you tell him not to cry, you don't make him feel better. On the contrary, you convey the message that his emotions are not valid and that it is not good to be scared or sad.
Instead of denying him the right to feel a certain way, explain to him that his emotions are normal in the given context. Encourage him to express himself and teach him what it means to be empathetic. Eventually, she will give up crying and choose instead to describe her feelings.
"Why can't you just be your sister?"
Even if it seems like a good idea to make comparisons and give examples of positive models, your child may perceive things differently. He may believe that you wish he had been different. Comparisons do not help change behaviors. A young child, pressured to do something he does not like or dislike, can become confused and can easily lose his self-confidence.
Another risk is to take it in the wrong name and do the opposite, out of ambition. Encourage his current achievements if you want to stimulate him to persevere.
"You can do more!"
Sometimes, children really can't. Learning is a process that involves repeated trials and mistakes. Even if you make the same mistake, several days in a row, the fact that you take your eyes off of it is neither productive nor motivating. Give the child the benefit of the doubt and be clear in the expression. Instead of reproaching him that he did the same stupid thing again, tell him you would like it if he tried to do things differently.
"Stop or I'll give you a reason to cry!"
Threats are the result of parents' frustration and are ineffective. Studies show that 2-year-olds are 80% likely to repeat the same mistake on the same day, regardless of the disciplinary method you apply. No older children are safe from failure.
Develop a repertoire of constructive tactics, such as redirecting or removing the child from the situation, instead of using verbal threats, which have proven negative consequences.
"Waiting for your father to come home!"
This parental cliché contains not only a threat, but also a form of diluted discipline. If you delay the correction of the child's behavior, until the other parent comes home, the child will forget what went wrong and will not understand why it is contested.
In addition, if you pass the punishment of the other parent, you only gain authority. Moreover, you put your partner in the unmerited role of the bad cop, which is not only immoral, but also lacking in disciplinary efficiency.
Tags Discipline children Positive discipline children