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Why quality time with children is not a solution

Why quality time with children is not a solution

When it comes to finding a balance between personal life and career, many adults think that, although they work hard and do not see their family very often, they always remind them to make pleasant surprises and spend time. quality time with them.

A simple bicycle ride with children remains embedded in the parent's mind in the smallest details. The chirping of the birds, the light breeze of the morning and the gentle sun that the faces handle are the elements of a memorable scenario, from the father's point of view. And automatically, he thinks that their little ones will always remember, with the same emotion, that bicycle ride.

Quality time, an overvalued concept

Many parents believe they can make up for the hours or days spent away from children and family, through what many theorists and parenting specialists call "quality time." Having a busy work schedule, sometimes having to travel outside the city, they think about maximizing the little time they spend at home. And I aim to be 100% present.

This logic is as convincing as possible. Nobody denies that a bicycle ride, on a sunny Sunday morning, with children, is not a much better idea than carrying your child by car, every day, after work, wherever you need to be. go to the doctor, shopping or pilates.

The problem is different. We cannot classify time spent with loved ones in "quality time" and "quality time off." And we certainly cannot decide in advance when those memorable moments will take place. The very notion of "quality time" implies that our vision of what "quality" or "memorable" time does is the same as that of our children. This is far from reality.

The child can wake you up at night from sleep because his pillow is cuddly and cannot sleep comfortably. In other words, children do not always perceive things as adults do. A bicycle ride with the son can be memorable for the father, but frustrating for the child, for the simple reason that he does not wear his favorite helmet.

There is no quality time, there is only time

Special moments occur naturally, spontaneously, when you are with your loved ones. If you set your mind to spend "quality time" with your children, find out there is no such thing. There is only time.

The notion of "quality time" can be useful for some people. It can serve as a reminder to take advantage of the little time I spend in the family, locking up cell phones and laptops, to be present not only physically, but also soul. The danger arises when too much emphasis is placed on this quality time. And this is because adults tend to attach too much value to memories, rather than the daily routine - the one that helps the child learn and develop.

The lesson of giving up

As parents, the idea of ​​spending a few memorable hours with our children makes us feel less guilty about being away from family. At the same time, it allows us to reject certain activities as not being "quality". But there is a risk we need to be aware of: family expectations can become very high. And this fact will automatically exert a huge pressure on the quality moments that we program with the family. From here comes a profound sense of disappointment and failure, when those moments you wanted "quality" do not prove to be memorable. Giving up an overvalued quality standard can help both parents and children spend beautiful times together.

If you have a job that involves many trips in the interest of service, try not to focus on creating memorable memories. Focus on creating and maintaining a warm connection with your family. Stop thinking about spending quality time. Just think about spending time with your loved ones and so on.

At the end of the day, any parent can create memorable moments with their children, as long as there is that unique connection, meant to make the little ones feel safe, important and loved.

Tags Time Quality Kids Parenting Tips Mother Life