Studies in recent years show that parents claim from their children more than they can "carry." Specifically, I ask them to master their emotions as an adult, to be ambitious and to learn a lot, and sometimes they even require a strict schedule, with fixed hours of rest or activities. We don't have expectations too high from our little ones?
Do you underestimate your child?
If you have too low expectations, the children will easily meet and offer very little, considering that this is enough. That is the target set, so you do not have to make more efforts than to prove that they can be good. Unfortunately, this attitude develops a mediocrity in the child that will be carried on into adult life. The biggest problems will arise when they have to compete with others of their age.
Are you expecting too much from the baby?
The risk of asking from the child more than he needs, more than he is able to offer is infinitely greater. Most parents do it. They want their offspring to be the best: at school, at the sports they practice, at the foreign languages they learn and so on. The biggest danger comes when the demands are raised on how the little ones have to control their emotions.
Why we have surreal expectations
"If I didn't, at least you have. If I couldn't, at least you would." How many of us didn't think so? This is because the expectations we have from children are, in reality, a projection of our own childhood. Our failures are expected to be realized by children. Basically, these expectations are based more on the experiences of the parents than on the needs of the children.
What we want and what they can
To control their nerves
When the child of only 3 anisors has a nervous breakdown in the store, he rolls on the floor, stands up, cries, cries asking for a certain toy, you ask yourself: Why is it so? Why can't he master his nerves? In the end, you end up buying the toy just for the spirits to calm down. But you continue to be dissatisfied with your own child, without thinking that, in fact, he is only 3 years old and that you cannot have exaggerated claims from him.
Be always welcome
No, children can not always be happy and with a smile on their lips. Even if you think they have no reason to be upset because they lack anything, for their level there are enough reasons to be angry. The educator quarreled, did not get along with his playmate, did not receive the sweets he asked for. All these are huge "troubles" in his perception.
We, the adults, are not always able to forgive, but we ask the children to be able to do so. We want our offspring to apologize for the mistakes, possibly in public, without thinking that this may be a way to humiliate them. There is a difference between making him aware of a mistake, a good thing indeed, and asking him to acknowledge, possibly with the witnesses, what he has done. We are not even in a position to do this, and not because we are human beings, but because it is more a matter of pride. We must admit that our children are proud, and if we ask them to forgive, we must first of all be an example in this regard.
Don't imitate what I see
And because we were talking about the example we give to the little ones, it is unrealistic to ask our children not to do what they themselves do: not to talk ugly, not to react uncontrollably when upset, not to spend hours in sequence on the computer or on the TV. Children imitate what they see, so it is good to educate them more by what we are than by what we say.
A recent study in California showed that:
- 56% of parents believe that children can control their desire to do something before the age of 3;
- 43% of parents believe that children are capable of equitably sharing things with other children even before they are 2 years old;
- 24% of parents believe that children have the ability to control their emotions, such as anger attacks, frustrations, from 1 year old.
- Self-control actually develops between 3 and a half and 4 years and lasts even more years until it is acquired and used constantly;
- The ability to share with others develops between 3 and 4 years;
- Emotional control will not develop before 3 1/2 years - 4 years.
Tags Child behavior Crisis child hysteria