Who does not know the story of the wonderful Von Trapp family from the movie "The Sound of Music", appreciated with numerous awards? American films do not leave behind, they have a special way of presenting the large families, gathered around the Christmas tree, exchanging gifts in the sound of crystalline laughter and good will. What do these two ideas have in common? Many children!
When the first child arrives on the world, everyone congratulates you, talks about the privilege of giving life and enjoying how the human baby grows, receiving gifts of all kinds, tips and encouragement. At the second child you seem to hear only "What is beautiful, now you have a partner" or "It is good for the first child, he will not grow up alone", "What is nice to have brothers, I didn't have" . Although congratulations are lowered, everything is still good and acceptable to society. Eh now it is now ... from the third child up, besides the words of good, you have to develop strong nerves to keep the chest up, and sometimes even the bad guys. Is it necessary to count someone for your large family?
Here are some examples of things you shouldn't say to a mother with more children:
1. "Are they all yours?"
What reaction can you expect for such a question? A simple and obvious answer, a joke about the "unique situation" in which they are, meant to mask the fact that the interlocutor is upset, or even a non-diplomatic response such as "it is not your job".
2. "I don't know how you can, I wouldn't do it for you!"
Seriously? You can do it, stay safe. There are some fuller days, some heavier ones, but also the smiles and the beautiful moments are alike! It is difficult to raise a child, with three or more is not different, you just have to organize more carefully and arm yourself with great patience.
3. "Does your husband help you or is he more inclined to be quiet?"
Whether the husband helps or not is strictly the family problem. Let's not forget that it takes two people to conceive and raise a child, as a result the decision was both and probably the "good and the bad" take it all together.
4. "At all costs, you must allow yourself to have so many children. You are probably rich!"
The topic of money is a taboo subject many times, no matter the situation. If you make such findings and do not know the financial situation at all, it means that the relationship with the interlocutor is not too close, which makes the statement even more inappropriate. Do you know the Danish proverb "Who has lots of money and has no children, is not rich; who has many children and has no money, is not poor"?
5. "Was it an accident or did you really want so many children?"
Accident or not, the children are there and remain, the situation does not change no matter how strange it seems in the eyes of others. So, what good is such a detail?
6. "Do you want to give you my gynecologist's number to recommend a more effective method of contraception?"
This is a very subtle approach, which will certainly not even pull a smile from the mother. After so many births it is obvious that contraception measures are at hand, but he made a choice.
7. "Enjoy this experience, even if there are so many"
Children grow up very quickly, probably all mothers have periods when they dream with their eyes open when their children will no longer be dependent on her and she will have time to draw her soul. But at the same time I know how much they will miss the smell of the baby and the legs as well as their palm, since they were still fixed in my mother's arms.
8. "Is it the last one or are you thinking of making another?"
An extremely intimate question to which, surely, no one is obliged to answer or to justify, not even out of complacency. It is a decision that is discussed at the family level and not the joke.
9. "Of course you never get bored with so many children!"
We all need a few moments (if not tens of minutes) of tranquility every day, in which to draw our soul. The more children you have, the more responsibilities and places to share, to please everyone. I do not know how it is that you do not have time to get bored ... but to rest quite sure comes out of the discussion.
10. "I see a lot of help"
We certainly know how much attention a child involves. Attention from parents, of course! If the mother is in a store and is hardly divided between several districts, depending on where her children were scattered, and you see the children grouped two by two, it does not necessarily mean that they take care of each other, all the mother is the one who oversees them ALL. A joke that obviously is not related to reality can upset an already stressed mom.
11. "I think your husband should find another way to spend his free time!"
Starting from the assumption that these children were simply accidents due to overzealousness, you probably cannot expect an answer within the limits of common sense ... and the mother could take advantage of this situation to pour her nymph as much as for all the jokes that they make. has heard so far on this subject.
Whether we like large families or not, nothing gives us the right to make judgments about the acceptable number of children in a family. There are people who do not want children at all and people who want as many children. We can even consider that this way the balance is balanced!
Each man decides for him, according to his own arguments. No one likes the pressure to justify a decision, all the more so for an intimate one such as choosing not to have children or having more than one or two children. The decision to bring one or more children to the world is strictly by the people directly involved.
The arrival of a child in the world brings joy and fulfillment in the life of a family, but at the same time comes to the pack with a wide range of emotions, with insufficient rest, with the fear of not failing in the education of the child or of not being a parent. good enough.
So let's take advantage of the next meeting with your childhood friend who has no more or less than 4 children, take her in her arms and tell her "You may find it difficult sometimes, but you do a great job, and you have 4 wonderful children! "
Tags Sentiments Mom