In detail

What the children's crises say about them and their parents

What the children's crises say about them and their parents

It is often the case that, on the street or in a store, or in the park, we surprise children who "make scenes" of parents, in the sense that they have unusual behavioral manifestations, sometimes even extreme. It seems that these children do not know the refusal or prohibition of the parents regarding the acquisition of a toy, of a particular food product, of an object that the child wants at any price.

Such a situation could refer to the pejorative meaning of the famous expression "maria sa king, the child". These children seem not to endure the postponement, they have to take possession of what they want when they want it. Otherwise, the gates of hell open and the little boy begins to scream, yell, roll, do what he knows best to bring exasperation to both the accompanying parent and the spectators who, by chance, get to take part in this. "show ".

Opinions that try to explain such behavior of the child are divided. On one side are the "spectators", those who watch the scene with some detachment and tend to catalog the little ones as "uneducated", "spoiled", "with faces". On the other side are the parents who find themselves unable to cancel or at least improve the manifestations of their own offspring with which they can no longer be understood.

It is always about suffering

But no matter what position we are in, we must know that, in the case of such crises as mentioned above, it is always about suffering. A suffering of the child who wants to convey something to the adult near him and who feels that he can be heard and listened to only by using some methods that may seem annoying. A suffering of the parent who does not understand what is happening to his child and does not find meaning in his behavioral manifestations.

This way, sometimes extreme, of expressing the child does not denote spoilage, whims or bad growth. Rather, it speaks of the child's inability to put into words something that displeases or disrupts him and thus, to transmit this content, through his body.

When a child is in front of the toy district and wants a certain product, he cries or cries not necessarily because he can not delay the desire to get that product that the parent does not buy (although there may be such situations ), but rather because something in him, something painful and misunderstood, something difficult to say in words, makes him communicate with the adult next to him in a different, theatrical way and not a few times even embarrassing for each of the participants. at this "scene".

Alexa Plescan
Clinical psychologist, training in Psychoanalysis and child and adolescent psychotherapy
[email protected]

Tags Children's crises